How to Avoid Power Struggles

In high-pressure environments, whether in behavioral health, corporate leadership, or education, power struggles are rarely about the topic at hand. Instead, they are emotional tug-of-wars centered on control.

When a staff member or leader gets pulled into one, the primary goal of safety and resolution is often lost to the secondary goal of "winning."

To maintain a therapeutic and professional environment, one must move from a reactive stance to a strategic one.

How to Avoid Power Struggles

Identifying the Types of Power Struggles

The first step in de-escalation is recognizing that you are being baited. Power struggles generally manifest in four distinct patterns. Recognizing these "hooks" allows you to remain objective rather than emotional.

1. Defending One’s Authority or Credibility

This struggle occurs when an individual challenges your right to lead or make decisions. They may ask, "Who are you to tell me what to do?" or "You’re not my boss." * The Trap: You feel the need to justify your position, recite your credentials, or demand respect.

• The Reality: Respect is earned through composure, not demanded through title. Defending your authority often validates the challenger’s claim that your power is fragile.

2. Personal Button Pushing

This is a tactical diversion. The individual identifies a personal vulnerability your appearance, your age, your accent, or a known frustration and attacks it directly.

• The Trap: Taking the comment personally and reacting with anger or hurt.

• The Reality: The attack is rarely about you; it is a tool used to shift the focus from the individual’s behavior to your emotional reaction.

3. Bringing up History or Irrelevant Issues

Commonly known as "kitchen-sinking," this involves dredging up past grievances or unrelated problems to cloud the current issue. "Well, last week you let Sarah do it!" or "This place has always been unfair."

• The Trap: Getting lured into a debate about the past or trying to correct the "facts" of an irrelevant story.

• The Reality: This is a stalling tactic designed to avoid accountability in the present moment.

4. Making Empty Threats or Ultimatums

The individual may attempt to seize control by creating a "dead-end" scenario: "If you don't let me go, I'm going to sue this whole building!" or "I’m leaving and you can't stop me."

• The Trap: Countering with your own ultimatum or becoming defensive.

• The Reality: Ultimatums are usually born of desperation. Responding with another threat only increases the "heat" of the encounter.

  
  

The Rational Approach: Professional Detachment

The most effective tool against a power struggle is Rational Detachment. This is the ability to stay in control of your own behavior while not taking the other person's behavior personally.

When you remain "rationally detached," you acknowledge that the individual’s behavior is a byproduct of their distress, not a reflection of your worth. By refusing to "take the bait," you effectively end the struggle because a tug-of-war requires two people to pull on the rope.

Techniques for Handling Power Struggles

When you find yourself in a struggle, use the "Drop the Rope" method:

• Acknowledge and Redirect: Validate the feeling, but pivot back to the issue. "I hear that you're frustrated with the rules, but right now we need to focus on completing this task safely."

• Avoid the "Last Word": Power struggles often end when one person allows the other to have the final, grumbled comment. If the individual is complying but still complaining, let the complaints go. Focus on the compliance.

• Silence as a Tool: Sometimes, the best response to a challenge of authority is a brief, calm silence. It demonstrates that you are not shaken and gives the individual a moment to reflect on their own words.

Setting Limits: The Path to Resolution

Setting limits is not about giving ultimatums; it is about offering choices with clear consequences. Effective limits are Clear, Concise, and Consistently applied.

How to Set a Functional Limit:

1. Explain which behavior is inappropriate: "When you raise your voice..."

2. Explain why it is inappropriate: "...it makes it difficult for us to talk safely."

3. Give reasonable choices with consequences: "If you can speak calmly, we can stay here and finish the meeting. If you continue to yell, I will have to ask you to leave the room for ten minutes."

4. Allow time for a decision: Give them the "dignity of choice." Walk away for a moment if safe to do so, allowing them to choose the positive outcome without feeling like they are "surrendering" in front of you.

Avoiding a power struggle requires a shift in mindset. You are not there to "win" an argument; you are there to manage a crisis. By identifying the types of struggles, maintaining rational detachment, and setting clear limits, you protect both the individual in crisis and your own professional integrity.

William DeMuth, Director of Training

About The Author

William DeMuth, Director of Training

With over 30 years of research in violence dynamics and personal safety, William specializes in evidence-based training with layered personal safety skills for real-world conflict resolution. He holds advanced certifications and has trained under diverse industry leaders including Lt. Col. Dave Grossman and Craig Douglas (ShivWorks), and is the architect of the ConflictIQ™ program. He actively trains civilians, law enforcement, healthcare workers, and corporate teams in behavioral analysis, situational awareness and de-escalation strategies.